So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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