How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
