We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
