I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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