So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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