Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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