Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
