I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
