the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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