Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
