I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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