you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
