I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
