i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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