just come out here and I will go home with you...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
