I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
