I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
