He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
