dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
