i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
