Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
