I'm going to jail i love you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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