i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
