You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
