i just wanna soil my oats bro
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
