I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
