It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
