omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
