she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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