You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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