Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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