Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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