I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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