Me too!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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