The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
