Jerry, you need to find god
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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