I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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