I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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