I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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