Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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