if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
