Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
