come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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