Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
