Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
