you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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