The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
