Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
