this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
