Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
false alarm, still single
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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