help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
