so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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