if you like me you must not know who I am
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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